1. Why is time moving sooooo slowly?

2. I wonder what font that is.

3. Aw man, not another acronym!

4. Why can’t this be a musical?

5. Why isn’t anyone texting me?

6. Geez, my nails are dirty.

7. I wonder if this is an appropriate time to go to the toilet.

8. Why don’t we have more chocolate?

9. Please keep it short… please keep it short…

10. *sings to self* *forgets lyrics* *spends next 5 minutes thinking about forgotten lyrics*

Now allow me to leave you with this.

. . . . .

Song of the Day

Rise and Fall, by Craig David (feat. Sting)

Perhaps this is why I’ve never been keen on pursuing a Masters in Education. I guess, somewhere at the back of my head, I always knew I’d want to go back and pursue my interest in being part of the Mass Communication industry, which, based on my previous job, I already know that I can be pretty good at. And it seems real apt too, since I’m in my final year of my 5-year teaching plan.

I’ve certainly learnt a lot in this profession. And as amazing as my experiences are with teaching, there are also plenty of emotionally-draining moments that get me thinking about how much of this I can take.

I won’t lie. Partly, this is only surfacing because today was Results Day and once again, I saw too many students crying over their less-than-stellar performance. As much as they tell themselves to be prepared for the worst, it’s never easy for these young ones to accept reality. And when they matter that much to me, it’s really quite painful going through the range of emotions with so many of them.

Whatever I decide to do, I still have about nine more months till the end of this scholastic year. Until then, I’m going to continue giving my all to these kids.

. . . . .

Song of the Day

Sing To You, by Alain de Courtenay

As routine as life gets, I never know for sure what’s going to happen each day. Truthfully, I kinda like the surprises; they keep life interesting and more often than not, they serve as reminders of God’s faithfulness. And boy, do I need to have faith this year.

2012′s gonna be filled with uncertainties. Mostly because it marks the end of my personal 5-year plan, and – believe me – I’m all ready to reassess my vocation. I’ve never liked the idea of staying in my comfort zone for too long. I need change. It keeps me from getting lazy/complacent/overly-jaded. Yet, it also brings about a whole truckload of questions and concerns. Hence, as much as I’m excited about making major changes in my life, I’m also pretty nervous. So if you share my faith (or even if you don’t), please pray that I will continue to seek the Lord’s guidance and have the confidence to see things through. :)

Speaking of which, I never see through all my New Year’s resolutions. So I told myself to be less ambitious this year and instead of resolving to achieve a whole bunch of things, I’m gonna set about endeavouring. You see, by not calling them “resolutions” it already feels less pressurising because it doesn’t come with the expectation of ensuring they get accomplished by year’s end. Agree?

- Be a better steward of time and money
- Make healthier eating choices
- Be more patient towards my family

That’s it. That’s all I have this year. But they’re not easy. BELIEVE ME.

Already, I’ve failed somewhat in the Good Steward of Money department, making several purchases for work. But in my defence, I really was running out of work clothes. Also, the print on this top was just too cute.

I did a little better food-wise. Dinner was grilled salmon with roasted potatoes. Healthy enough, yes?

And again, that’s why I’m calling them endeavours.

. . . . .

Song of the Day, because it’s always good to kick off the new year with Christian Ska! ;p

World Without End, by Five Iron Frenzy

Let’s face it, that September term break really wasn’t a break at all. Especially not when there was all that marking to be done. Perhaps that’s why I don’t feel well-rested. Clearly, a week isn’t enough.

I feel like I’m running on reserve energy right now. In fact, it’s been this way for the past few Septembers, since I started teaching. Each year, it is around this point of time that I feel like throwing in the towel. Now, I don’t claim to have the toughest job in the world, but it certainly has its challenges, and I’m beginning to feel – for the lack of a better word – jaded. Yet, I feel guilty for feeling this way, y’know? I feel like I’m doing my students a huge injustice, when I don’t give them my best. I feel guilty for not giving them those extra classes that they want, because I really do need the time to catch up on my marking and other administrative stuff. Besides, and I’m being honest here, I know that not much can be done at this stage, because there’s a little too much catching up to do. But how do you tell that to an impressionable teen, and not dash hopes?

*breathe*

I know the perks of my job will be manifested soon especially now that we’re in the final leg, but for now, they seem a little too distant.

I really do take my hat off to my colleagues who have families to look after. How they still manage to stay on top of their game is beyond me.

. . . . .

Song of the Day, because I needed the comforting.

Fix You, by Coldplay

Later that morning, I saw a note on my Facebook page from an ex-student, declaring on behalf of his former class that they all miss me. My eyes watered.

I then realised that work has been particularly difficult this year because I no longer have my form class to lean on.

Since I started teaching, I have faced plenty of disappointments. Expectations have been crushed and I have been disheartened more often than I could have possibly imagined. But in the past 3 years, whenever I lost confidence, I knew I could always count on my form class (whom I always affectionately address as my “babies”) to lift me out of the hole, and remind me once again why I do what I do. Their willingness to support me (and my antics), and their devotion to giving me their best (despite some off days, but they’re always quick to apologise) always made the stress a lot easier to handle, and everything seem less overwhelming.

Recently, I’ve been tired, moody, jaded. I was getting annoyed at myself for being jaded. After all, I used to tell myself that it would be time for me to get out if I ever got to that stage, because I felt that it wouldn’t be fair to the kids to have to face a teacher who didn’t have that enthusiasm any more. But I know I’m not ready to quit just yet. So thankfully, with enough prayer and petition, I’m slowly starting to find a new bunch of “babies” to call my own, and I’m slowly regaining the strength to do my job. But boy do I miss my form class.

Keep me in prayer, will you?

. . . . .

Song of the Day, because it’s just so beautiful:

Hold On, by Tom Waits

I remember telling myself before I got into the profession, and after seeing one too many jaded teachers, that if I ever became like them, it would be time for me to leave. I refuse to subject my students to my worn-out, blasé self, because that won’t be fair to them. But truth is, I run on emotions. I run on passion. I run on my relationships with others. Without which, I find it very hard to motivate myself. And when I’m not motivated, I’m not a good teacher.

I don’t have to think long and hard to uncover the reasons for my feeling this way. Partly, it is due to the fact that I’m no longer a form teacher, meaning I no longer have the capacity (or authority) to care for students in the same way as I did for the last 3 years. Being a form teacher allowed me to be pastoral, and I really got to connect with my students on a deeper level. That allowed me to develop this relationship with my students, one based on mutual trust and respect, thereby giving me the motivation to give them my best. Now, I can’t help feeling… redundant.

The other reason is the fact that my samba with all the other non-teaching essentials has really gotten me quite frustrated. It doesn’t help that a colleague of mine, who recently switched to a different teaching scheme, has displayed a significant change in her demeanour. I’m noticing a slight bounce in her step, and that she’s smiling a lot more. She’s also able to focus more on the fundamentals of teaching now, so of course I can’t help but feel envious. I want that for myself! Am I ready for the pay cut though? Not just yet.

I have a final batch of students that I definitely want to see through, but after this year, I’m not sure. I’ll keep you posted.

. . . . .

Song of the Day, because their performance at the recent Grammys made me love this song all over again.

The Cave (Live), by Mumford & Sons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwEF1f6Wwj8

I don’t know if I can/should still be in the same school. I’m not certain if I’ll be able to grow any more as a person, or as a teacher. Yet, as much as I would like to be challenged (sometimes I really do feel like I need greater mental stimulation), I’m also unwilling to let go of the wide-eyed, down-to-earth charm that comes with NSKs (neighbourhood school kids – as a friend and fellow teacher just informed me today). And then, there’s always that issue about Change, and how it kinda sucks. I know everything’ll be just fine as soon as I get that comfy ass out of that too-comfy zone. It’s just never easy to get myself out of the steady swing of things, y’know?

Right now, I’ve got 4 options; each of them have their own appeal. And because I really can’t decide what I should do, I’ve decided to pray that God will open just one window, so I know for sure what I should be doing. If He decides to have a laugh and make me do the awful deed of having to choose, then I’ll flip a coin. Whatever it is, I know He’ll be right there with me. :)

I’m incredibly glad the Lunar New Year break is coming up. I really need to get away from work.

Song of the Day:

Rock It, by Little Red

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoQwwcf2ERU

But I think I miss being a form teacher. Heck, I know I miss it heaps. I miss having to take attendance. I miss decorating noticeboards with them. I miss establishing a camaraderie. I miss being able to care for them. I miss getting to know my students as people, rather than just students. That’s the beauty of being a form teacher. You get to connect exclusively with a group of students where you can forge a bond that is filled with mutual trust, respect and love.

I refuse to complain though. I do welcome the break from all the form teacher duties, because frankly, it was exhausting. It’s kinda like being a parent, but with a LOT more kids, and slightly less responsibility. I’d very much like to focus my efforts this year on becoming a better and more effective teacher. And I know the time that has been freed up for me will be very useful for me to hone my profession.

One thing I’m definitely not missing? Waking up at 5:45am again.

And here’s my Song of the Day, taking me back to when I was younger.

Rosanna, by Toto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdSqPPRPI1o

After attending meetings for two days straight, I think it is safe to assume that 2011 will be filled with a whole lot of crazy. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed after sitting through the barrage of information that was fed to us. And the whole time, I kept wondering if I’d even be able to watch any more TV. Yeah, guess who has her priorities right? LOL.

But seriously, it’s either I’ve been relaxing way too much this holiday that any work is appearing insurmountable, or the workload for next year really has increased tenfold. The school term hasn’t even begun and I already feel like crawling into bed and letting Damien Rice sing my weary soul to sleep. *sniffs*

I know things will be okay as soon as I get right back into the thick of the action. But I also know that part of me is not looking forward to this brand new scholastic year as much as I usually do because my beloved form class of three years – my babies – have all graduated and they won’t be there any more to cheer me up. And I know I’m being a total sook about this, but these kids really did brighten up my days at work, y’know? I always looked forward to going into their classroom, because they provided me with a haven where I could relax, be myself and simply enjoy the delights of teaching. I probably sound insane but it really is the individual students who make me passionate about my profession. Without a connection, I don’t know if I can find the drive to keep going. I guess this is what I’ll learn in the new year, now that I’ll no longer have a form class.

One thing that’ll definitely sweeten 2011 is the realisation of our long-awaited NYC trip at the end of the year. It’s something I’ve been anticipating since 2005 and I can’t begin to describe how excited I am about it. Goodness knows how much we love to do our travel research so when the suggestion was made for us to meet once a month in preparation for the trip, I think I practically yelled out that it was a BRILLIANT idea. It’ll certainly give us something to look forward to each month. Now, we’ll just have to make sure our other travel buddy is mobile enough to meet us. :p

What about you? Any trepidations/cheer about the new year?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5AWQ5aBjgE

Go on. I’ll wait while you run off to get a t-shirt.

Now, hands up if you made some kinda sound expressing amazement and approval after trying it for yourself.

Thought so. :p

I saw this yesterday at an English course, because the trainer wanted to encourage us to use a similar activity in the teaching of imperatives and procedural texts. Unsurprisingly, all of us were in awe after watching the video and we were thrilled when the trainer passed some t-shirts around for us to try out. After which, and rather unfortunately, that was all we could remember from the course.

So, overall course objectives? Not met. But, impact? Really high.