So my visit to Brissie wasn’t as long as I would’ve liked (mostly because I have this little commitment called “work”) still, it was a good trip. After all, the main purpose of this trip was to catch up with everyone and hang out with my girls. And even though I treasured every single moment with them, it’s also made me realise that they’ve all grown older without me.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve not grown apart. I’m just no longer a big part of this life that they are now forging. And y’know what? It hurts. It hurts that I can’t be there to offer help during times of crisis, or share in their joy when they (finally) announce that they’re expecting or even something simple like offering my opinion when they’re choosing a piece of furniture. I just really want to be there for them. But I can’t.
I’m still grappling with the fact that they’re so far away now and we can only meet up as often as we’re able to travel to each other’s cities. And y’know, just as I hate not being there for their big moments, I also hate that they can’t be here to share mine. (Dia & Nessa, you girls had better stay local!)
The new semester begins tomorrow. It’s back to the routine of waking up before 6am & spending about 10 hours at work each day. Explain to me again why I’m not feeling excited?
So I’m leaving for Germany this Friday night (4th), will be back on the 13th, then I’m off to Brisbane to visit my girls on the 16th, and will be back on the 23rd. With a schedule like that, one would think that I’m almost like a jet-setter. Alas, this faux jet-setter had a ton of administrative work to contend with (and is – believe it or not – still contending with) and is frustrated to the point that she can’t wait for the whole shebang to end just so she can go on her ACTUAL vacation and relax her days away in good ol’ Brissie.
I kinda feel like I’m cheating on Germany.
You see, I love planning for trips and doing all the research, and I can get all the admin stuff tied up without any whining. But it is completely different when it’s a matter of work and you have to be accountable to plenty of neurotic folks who insist you plan for the worst. Not that it’s bad or anything, but it’s unnerving and it makes me think of too many worst-case scenarios than I’m legally comfortable with. Scenarios so unlikely that I’m surprised they didn’t ask us to plan in the event of a plane crash. Or what if we encounter an accident on the Autobahn? Or get collective food poisoning? Now why aren’t we planning for those? Can you tell I’m irritated?
I hate having such feelings. I should be looking forward to learning and appreciating the history and culture of the place, but because everything leading up to the day of our departure has been such a chore, I’m not sure if I can give Germany its due. I know I’ll go back one day and really see it the way it intends for me to, but I’m upset that it will now be associated with all the crazy paperwork that my colleagues and I were made to do. And we all know that’s not a good first memory of a place.
So please forgive me, Germany. I promise I’ll do my best to not let my own “baggage” get in the way of our relationship.
So my school’s Germany trip is supposed to happen in two weeks, yet there are still changes expected to be made. I’ve tried my best to understand the concerns of the management, especially since we are accountable to that many students. Yet, I can’t help but wonder why these concerns weren’t brought up sooner. And to a certain extent, I do wonder if they’re based more on paranoia or mere precaution. To make matters worse, people are actually breathing down our necks for not doing things fast enough. Things that were only communicated to us THIS WEEK, when in reality they had a whole month to let us know. But then, another camp may argue that we could have pre-empted these concerns, if it weren’t for our own lack of foresight and experience with such situations.
Yeah, the finger can’t stop pointing.
This rant could go on forever, but it’s late and I really need to catch up on all the sleep that I was deprived of when I had that crazy intensive period. So I’m going to end this rather prematurely and end with this: I just wish I had more guts to express myself in such a manner to the bosses.
