You’ve got some nerve. You work for a company who claims to ‘live to deliver’, yet when the elevators stop working and you’re made to climb 8 flights of stairs, you call us to go down, meet you at the lobby and get the package from you instead. And the package didn’t even weigh more than a book. It was your luck that I wasn’t home, and my domestic helper didn’t know better, so she acceded to your request. Or did you somehow know you were talking to a domestic helper and you decided to take advantage? Perhaps you’ve never seen any of your company’s ads? Regardless, I’m disappointed.
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I’m done with teaching. Then I realise that I’m not done with teaching, but I’m almost certainly quite done with all the other administrative stuff that comes with teaching. Also, I think I’m jaded.
I remember telling myself before I got into the profession, and after seeing one too many jaded teachers, that if I ever became like them, it would be time for me to leave. I refuse to subject my students to my worn-out, blasé self, because that won’t be fair to them. But truth is, I run on emotions. I run on passion. I run on my relationships with others. Without which, I find it very hard to motivate myself. And when I’m not motivated, I’m not a good teacher.
I don’t have to think long and hard to uncover the reasons for my feeling this way. Partly, it is due to the fact that I’m no longer a form teacher, meaning I no longer have the capacity (or authority) to care for students in the same way as I did for the last 3 years. Being a form teacher allowed me to be pastoral, and I really got to connect with my students on a deeper level. That allowed me to develop this relationship with my students, one based on mutual trust and respect, thereby giving me the motivation to give them my best. Now, I can’t help feeling… redundant.
The other reason is the fact that my samba with all the other non-teaching essentials has really gotten me quite frustrated. It doesn’t help that a colleague of mine, who recently switched to a different teaching scheme, has displayed a significant change in her demeanour. I’m noticing a slight bounce in her step, and that she’s smiling a lot more. She’s also able to focus more on the fundamentals of teaching now, so of course I can’t help but feel envious. I want that for myself! Am I ready for the pay cut though? Not just yet.
I have a final batch of students that I definitely want to see through, but after this year, I’m not sure. I’ll keep you posted.
. . . . .
Song of the Day, because their performance at the recent Grammys made me love this song all over again.
This story right here, hits a little too close to home.
The victim is an ex-student of the school I’m teaching in so, regretfully, some of my colleagues were directly affected by this tragedy. It was absolutely gutting to see a colleague crying and being unable to fathom how this could happen. I didn’t know the kid, but I could feel the pain that everyone was experiencing. The mood at work this morning was so solemn, it’s palpable. And amid the silence, a thought came to mind, what if it had been one of my own students?
I immediately think of all the times where I witnessed rage being allowed to dictate actions and how many of them stemmed from pettiness. But shoving and some quick blows is always as far as it goes. Never anything that causes severe bodily harm. Even then, I wonder how anyone can be okay after something like that happens. I mean, I find myself completely unsettled whenever I get into a major argument with my folks – and that’s just verbal – so how can a person punch someone else, and still be able to sleep at night?
It’s a worrying trend, but many teens today seem to have less control of their emotions. And anger clouds judgment, making it difficult to react sensitively, but to be insensible too? It’s beginning to seem that not only are our values degenerating, we are also becoming less wise.
I believe part of this is because society today thrives more on emotion rather than intellect. We often choose based on how we feel about something, and because of this, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions. And when we’re that driven by emotions, we seek comfort from cliques and gangs, letting the group’s psyche determine our behaviour. Unfortunately, in this case, a mob mentality caused a group of teens to wield cleavers and hack someone to death. All because there was some (inappropriate) staring going on.
How did they even get a hold of the cleavers? I… can’t…
I don’t want to have any irrational fears about the safety of my own students, especially since they hang around the area so much, but when others are acting this irrationally, surely it becomes rational, to be irrational?
