So my school’s Germany trip is supposed to happen in two weeks, yet there are still changes expected to be made. I’ve tried my best to understand the concerns of the management, especially since we are accountable to that many students. Yet, I can’t help but wonder why these concerns weren’t brought up sooner. And to a certain extent, I do wonder if they’re based more on paranoia or mere precaution. To make matters worse, people are actually breathing down our necks for not doing things fast enough. Things that were only communicated to us THIS WEEK, when in reality they had a whole month to let us know. But then, another camp may argue that we could have pre-empted these concerns, if it weren’t for our own lack of foresight and experience with such situations.

Yeah, the finger can’t stop pointing.

This rant could go on forever, but it’s late and I really need to catch up on all the sleep that I was deprived of when I had that crazy intensive period. So I’m going to end this rather prematurely and end with this: I just wish I had more guts to express myself in such a manner to the bosses.

It took 12 long days of very intensive marking, but I’m glad to announce that I’ve finally completed marking 418 scripts. Yes. 418. Count ‘em and weep.

Funny though, because I did weep. You see, the stress of grading that many examination scripts was insurmountable and so, on the last day of this marking extravaganza (that is, today), I broke down and became this emotional pile of mess. I’d experienced a migraine, several headaches, felt bitchy about colleagues who had smaller marking loads, went many nights without sufficient sleep, had no appetite to eat and was basically at the point of exhaustion. I wanted to lay in bed more than anything and distance myself far, far away from everything work-related. But I had to finish grading the last lot of essays. So I begrudgingly worked my red pen through the answers and then right when Glee’s True Colours came on my iPod, the tears flowed.

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you fell so small

Ayyy… damn you, song! For making me cry! But there I was, at the lowest of low, feeling so mentally drained and emotionally charged. I really needed to scream. But Lean On Me comes on next, and reminded me of how I simply needed to continue leaning on God for the strength I needed to see through this last stretch. Of course, more tears were induced because I was that messed up at that point of time.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who was capable of handling stress pretty well. After all, my previous profession as an Events Organiser opened me to many high-pressured situations, and I’d never gotten emotional. Who knew marking exam scripts would break me down like that? I can only hope that next semester will be better, especially since there’ll be new teachers joining my department. We’re really short-handed as it is, and I honestly don’t know if I can handle such an insane marking load again in the final semester.

Now that it is all said and done, I could say I’ve emerged like a phoenix from the ashes, but I won’t cos that might be a little over-the-top? So excuse me while I go celebrate with some cake.

Just a note about Liverpool this season.

I’ve been trying my best to ignore the dismal reality of my team’s performance. I’ve continued to remain hopeful for good things to happen to the club, but somewhere in February or March of 2010, I just knew I had to get out of my state of denial. It’s not something I’m proud of, but at that point of time, I started growing nonchalant, and started setting low expectations. A draw would be enough, I’d tell myself, especially if they’re playing a “bigger” club. I’d only get myself up in arms if my boys came away defeated at a match that they should’ve otherwise easily won. After all, on paper, playing against one of the “smaller” clubs was supposed to be a walk in the park, not to sound complacent. But, on paper, there’s simply no reason for the team to perform so poorly.

Many have attributed this debacle to the sale of Alonso. As much as I love that man, and was admittedly very, very crushed to see him leave, I never believed his departure to be the cause of such a massive impact. After all, isn’t football a team sport? How is it possible for one absent player to cause so much damage? Instead, my finger was pointing at the manager and the club’s owners. I believed that it was a combination of a major lack of player development, team cohesion and financial support that was doing us in. And after reading this article that triggered this rant, I’m even more convinced now that Benitez has to go. Because quite frankly, I see him as one of the proverbial rotten apples who has contaminated the entire basket of apples.

I will not dismiss his successes with the club, and I’m grateful for the silverware he’s helped to bring home. But I do believe that Benitez is not a good fit. We must acknowledge his strengths and the fact that he has brought in a good number of valuable players, however I do not believe that his yin has necessarily meshed well with Liverpool’s yang. I also do not blame him entirely because he made it very open about the constraints he had in managing the club. As for Liverpool’s two public enemies, I think of it as two Americans who made an investment that didn’t pan out as ideally as they’d hope and unfortunately, we are now at the brunt of it. Thankfully, their departure is imminent. Although it will undoubtedly leave behind a big cloud of ash.

I’ll admit that Liverpool’s future does appear somewhat bleak and unless a superhero of a billionaire appears (such as Tony Stark, according to a friend), it may take more than a few years for the club to fully recover to its former glory. I also understand that I’ll continue to get frustrated with decisions/directions that I won’t ever comprehend, and I’m only putting myself through more disappointment and heartache. Nonetheless, I’m more than willing (especially now, more than ever) to stay true to my club’s motto and continue supporting them through this tumultuous ordeal. Yes, no matter how long it takes.

And yes, I’m passionate about Liverpool like that.