Yet another random stranger has gotten me rolling my eyes so I’m just gonna be upfront and say this: It kinda irks me when people grumble about our state of affairs.

I’m no saint. I have definitely whinged about our politics, and goodness knows I’ve done more than my fair share of bitching. But I also hold my tongue on plenty of matters because I know I don’t know anything and I can’t won’t do a damn thing about it.

There’s nothing wrong with voicing our concerns and expressing dissatisfaction. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations. After all, we can’t ever hope to achieve anything if we don’t even dare to dream. Yet I have found that too many men in the street are not being objective enough and are quick to slam the government about everything. Look, we all know they’re not perfect. Heck, they really oughtta start earning back brownie points with us, but seriously, if we ourselves can’t come up with a solution, shouldn’t we be more constructive?

Perhaps these complainers have a model government in mind? To which, I’ll ask: Who exactly are you looking at? Europe? The Americas? Africa? Admittedly, the nordic countries seem to be hitting home runs in many aspects, but $10 says they have something to complain about too.

I’m not saying we should all stop grumbling. We need to constantly raise questions to keep our government in check. I’m just hoping that more of us will adopt a more even-handed approach to complaining because I can’t even begin to imagine the indecent amount of pressure they have making decisions on behalf of an entire nation. Which is probably why they make indecent amounts too, eh? ;)

. . . . .

Song of the Day

Bruised Orange (Chain of Sorrow), by Bon Iver (John Prine cover)

Another weekend coming to a close, another rant about work.

I should be grading papers. Instead, here I am, blogging. Such is the reluctance I have to spend my Sunday doing something that has become vexing.

Grading papers has become such a chore. I keep seeing all these errors made by my students and I wonder if a) they have been pretending to understand my lessons, or b) I have been that incoherent. Surely, after five years, I would have gotten out of the “inexperienced teacher” ditch? I have tried almost everything within my means. Peer teaching, group work, churning out plenty of study notes… Why do I still feel so inept?

Plenty of people tell me I’m a good teacher, that I’ve been doing a great job with my kids. I’m humbled. Because honestly? I’m not so sure if I agree. Perhaps I am good at connecting with them. I do usually manage to build a pretty strong rapport with the kids. And it does appear I can easily get their support to participate in school events. But what else quantifies me as a good teacher? Have their attitudes changed for the better? Have their results improved? Sadly, I’ve never been able to tell.

I think it is the lack of visible results that has gotten me so disheartened that I’m all ready to call it a day. It’s highly frustrating to do something year after year with nothing to show. I don’t need to produce straight-A students – I’ve actually never quite believed in that. All I’ve ever wanted to achieve is to instill a sense of self-belief and self-motivation, so that these young ones can learn that they can find success as long as they are willing to work hard enough to maximise their potentials.

Am I being too idealistic?

Perhaps I’ll only see the results 10 years down the road, when I bump into ex-students and see how they’ve done good for themselves.

What if I never bump into any of them though? Can you see how frustrating this has become for me?

What I need most right now is faith. Faith that the seeds have been planted, and that work has been done. Whether or not I’ll ever see these fruits should be the least of my concerns.

Right?

Excuse me while I go sulk in a corner now.

One of my students told me yesterday that it was “weird” for me, a teacher, to have a Twitter account. Apparently, teachers are not supposed to even know what Twitter is. They are supposed to embrace everything that old fogies represent: conservative, bookish, and hating/not understanding everything that teenagers do.

I didn’t know if I should feel insulted or laugh at their ignorance.

Firstly, teachers aren’t relics y’know? We’re normal human beings who also work, eat, play and surf the Internet. And yes, we certainly know how to have fun. I don’t know when and how this skewed image of teachers came about, but the fact that students see teachers in this very foggy light is ludicrous, to say the least.

Then, there’s that matter of teens today not quite realising that people from my generation popularised the Internet. We were blogging before the term was even coined. We established the need for social media. And because we had to learn how to use it to our advantage, I feel we are a lot more adept. I’m not saying that all digital immigrants like myself are Internet-savvy, but we are certainly in the know. So, really, these so-called digital natives who were born into the Internet-age shouldn’t be thinking that this cyber domain belongs to them. If anything, they’re actually kind of invading this space we have created.

But we’re generous, so we’ll share. ;)

. . . . .

Song of the Day

Something Pretty, by Patrick Park

As I heard the news, that the doctor was going to induce labour within the next couple of days, tears just came flowing down. You see, it finally dawned on me that one of my closest friends was having a baby.

A stream of emotions overcame me. I was incredibly happy for her, yet I was sad that I was missing out on this very significant moment of her life. It got worse when I remembered that I may miss another delivery this June. My voice became weak and I could bite my lip no more. WHY ARE MY GIRLS LIVING SO FAR AWAY FROM ME?!

Hui had to pacify me and reassured that I still had an opportunity to be there for Huaiky’s delivery. But I’m greedy; I want to be there for both. I now have half a mind to be impulsive and go down to Brissie over the weekend. I know it’s crazy, but the thought of missing out is too agonising.

It is during moments like these that I wish my job had more flexibility. More specifically, flexibility to take leave when the need rises. It annoys me that this will never be seen as a need on paper, because this is totally a need to me. Am I being petulant? I just might be.

Enough sulking. I’m gonna cheer myself up with some crass humour on 2 Broke Girls now.

. . . . .

Song of the Day

R U Mine?, by Arctic Monkeys

>

Today was one of those days. Nothing seemed to make sense. I trudged through my morning routine, completely in denial about having to go to work.

Let’s face it, that September term break really wasn’t a break at all. Especially not when there was all that marking to be done. Perhaps that’s why I don’t feel well-rested. Clearly, a week isn’t enough.

I feel like I’m running on reserve energy right now. In fact, it’s been this way for the past few Septembers, since I started teaching. Each year, it is around this point of time that I feel like throwing in the towel. Now, I don’t claim to have the toughest job in the world, but it certainly has its challenges, and I’m beginning to feel – for the lack of a better word – jaded. Yet, I feel guilty for feeling this way, y’know? I feel like I’m doing my students a huge injustice, when I don’t give them my best. I feel guilty for not giving them those extra classes that they want, because I really do need the time to catch up on my marking and other administrative stuff. Besides, and I’m being honest here, I know that not much can be done at this stage, because there’s a little too much catching up to do. But how do you tell that to an impressionable teen, and not dash hopes?

*breathe*

I know the perks of my job will be manifested soon especially now that we’re in the final leg, but for now, they seem a little too distant.

I really do take my hat off to my colleagues who have families to look after. How they still manage to stay on top of their game is beyond me.

. . . . .

Song of the Day, because I needed the comforting.

Fix You, by Coldplay

I used to get really excited about the VMAs. Also, it used to be the 90s.

Back in ’96, when I was still an impressionable 14-year-old, I remember watching my first VMAs in my parents’ room. Alanis Morissette was big that year, so were the Foo Fighters and the Smashing Pumpkins. My dad walked in to the room, saw Billy Corgan all made up in Tonight, Tonight, and wondered what kinda “druggie music” I was listening to.

Oh Dad, trust me, music then was MUCH BETTER.

15 years on, I am amazed at how much MTV and the VMAs have evolved. For example, did you know that MTV is now all about reality TV programming (How the heck is Jersey Shore still on?!), and other programmes that appeal to their teen demographic? Which loosely translates into: it’s so full of crappy shows that it doesn’t really play music videos any more. And today, while I sat down to watch the second half of the VMAs, I realised that heaps of music videos (and even the VMAs) today are all about the spectacle, and have almost ceased to tell stories/enhance the actual piece of music itself. It was a very disappointing moment for me.

Don’t even get me started on popular music today.

And after that disaster of a song I just put you through, I won’t.

At least the Beasties are still recognised for making hilarious videos.

/rantover

I was recently contacted by Nabilah (who also happens to be a friend of a friend) about a possible collaboration between us. I don’t want to give anything away since it’s her idea but just know that I’m very excited, and I can’t wait to share it with you as soon as the time is right. :p

In the meantime, have I told you how I need it to be November like, tomorrow? I’m getting increasingly disgruntled of late, and I’m in tremendous want of being able to cast everything aside and just live life with reckless abandon. But I know I need to be responsible, I need to be an adult, so for now, I’ll just continue to whine, groan and growl, while sucking it up as much as I can.

I know… I know… I’m becoming jaded. And I feel ashamed for being so. :( Instead of being grateful for having a good, stable job with such great opportunities to interact with teens and touch their lives, I’m allowing myself to get frustrated about the peripherals. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like I’m no longer bothered to perform at my best, rather, I’m just doing enough to get by. It’s terrible, isn’t it? *sighs*

Y’know that saying, Let go and let God? I really need to live by that right now. I need God to give me strength and help me to find joy at work again.

Or perhaps I can just fall asleep tonight and wake up to November tomorrow?

. . . . .

Song of the Day, and be prepared to have your heart torn into pieces because it’s just too beautifully depressing.

I Can’t Make You Love Me, by Bon Iver (Bonnie Rait cover)

I had to write this email of complaint despite the time of day.

Good evening,

My friends and I were just treated to an extremely unpleasant experience in Hyundai Sonata Taxi 2397.

The booking was made this evening at approximately 2250 hours, and we were picked up at the Far East Plaza taxi stand. Upon hearing that the three of us were sharing a cab even though we all live in the East (S.R., F.A. and T), the driver groaned very audibly and did not make an effort to hide his displeasure. We do not think ours was a troublesome journey, so to hear the driver openly verbalise his indignation while trying to make his own sense of our route, came as a rude shock. Subsequently, and unfortunately for us, we had to bear the brunt of his poor attitude, such as the little effort on his part to minimise the impact each time he hit the brakes.

The final straw came after the first passenger alighted along S.R., and he missed the turn to get to F.A. After we alerted him of his mistake, instead of apologising, he mentioned that his mind was still clouded with the fact that we had 3 stops, causing him to make that error. He remarked that it would almost be midnight by the time we got to T and that he would have missed out on the opportunity to pick up passengers from Changi Airport, as there would have been many passengers waiting for cabs at that time (it was approximately 11:15 when he made these comments). Upon hearing this, I decided to alight at Frankel Avenue with the second passenger as I was no longer willing to subject myself to such a resentful driver. When he realised that he did not have to make the trip to T any more, he had the audacity to thank us, before gleefully stating that he was now able to head for the airport.

I am not sure what is your company’s policy on cab sharing, but my friends and I have made this same trip countless times, and we have never before had such an unpleasant experience. We have met drivers who have straight up told us that they were in a hurry, so in those situations, we do not get on the cab. However, instead of immediately alerting us that it was too inconvenient for him to make the trip, this driver chose to fulfill the booking anyway. Yet, he reacted unfavourably.

Surely, such behaviour is a far cry from the values that your company embodies and I believe such representation, if left unchecked, would ultimately harm the company’s vision of providing best-in-class services that leads the market.

I sincerely hope that you will look into this matter and take the necessary action.

Regards,
A.T.

I am aggrieved.

*growls*

The first 3 days back at work after the practically non-existent March holidays has already taken a toll on me. For starters, I’ve not been sleeping well. Since Sunday, my sleep has been inexplicably interrupted and I find myself waking up at around 12:15am, 3:15am and again at 4:30am each night, then taking another 20 minutes each time to go back to sleep. It’s highly frustrating because I get up feeling as though I never slept much at all. Consequently, this erratic sleep pattern has caused me to fall sick yet again, so I pretty much feel like a zombie half the time. Major boo. :(

Then there’s the lack of momentum at work in general. It’s making everything seem like a chore. At work, I just find myself living one hour at a time, floating from one class to the next. At home, I can’t even bring myself to catch up on my favourite TV shows because the mere thought of sitting through a full episode appears daunting. It’s as though I’m incapable of doing anything that does not involve curling up in bed.

Oh Saturday, won’t you come sooner? I really need to sleep in.

. . . . .

Song of the Day:

The Walls Are Coming Down, by Fanfarlo

I can’t believe it’s already Friday. It’s the school holidays and I was supposed to get some much needed rest this week and catch up with friends, and do a whole lot of nothing in between. Alas, I now realise it was a completely idealistic plan because it never even came close to fruition. Well, I did catch up with Hui & Zef who are back for a month (yay!) but other than that, I still feel exhausted at the end of each day. So unfortunately for me, instead of feeling recharged and ready to go in the next scholastic term, I’m gonna go in to it feeling tired still. NOT GOOD.

If only we can just get a day off for us to sleep in. And no, weekends DON’T count. Have you seen my weekends?

Anyhow, here’s a Friday Night playlist for my dear friend, Nessa, cos she’s the biggest “fan” of my Song of the Day feature on the blog, and also because it’s her birthday tomorrow. Heh. (Happy Birthday, Ma’am! LOL.)

(Some videos don’t allow embedding, so click here for the full list.)

Tighten Up, by The Black Keys
Losing Friends Over Love, by Eskimo Joe
Little Lion Man, by Mumford & Sons
Straight Lines, by Silverchair
Love Hurts, by Incubus
Let Loose The Horses, by The Rescues
Brighter Than Sunshine, by Aqualung
Sparks, by Coldplay
Cannonball, by Damien Rice
Winter Song, by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson