With my job, I don’t exactly get much time to relax on a daily basis. And because my job requires a high level of mental alertness, I’m usually quite drained by the time I get home. So I’m mostly unable to do anything else after 6pm. Occasionally, I’d arrange to meet up with friends, or go for dinner with colleagues. Most of the time, I just want to go home and do nothing. Nothing significant, at least.

Then the weekend approaches and I’ll have all these little things to do that can seem overwhelming at times; mostly because I’ve completely exhausted my weekly capacity by then to do anything that is even remotely challenging. Then I’d have all this guilt inside of me, wondering why I can’t even put aside a few hours each week to get these things done. And I’d hate myself for having all these feelings.

At this point, everything becomes emotional. I’d read an article about a girl meeting a celeb, and I’d want to cry. I’d read about a person buying her dream home, and I’d want to break down. Yes, it all seems a bit much, especially when you click on those links and see exactly what those two were about, then you’d probably wonder why I’m such a sook. I can’t explain it myself, but it’s like I can feel the emotions that these people are going through, and I’m just so happy for them y’know?

Yes, I don’t even know what I’m talking about.

I guess it’s just one of those days, huh?

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve not grown apart. I’m just no longer a big part of this life that they are now forging. And y’know what? It hurts. It hurts that I can’t be there to offer help during times of crisis, or share in their joy when they (finally) announce that they’re expecting or even something simple like offering my opinion when they’re choosing a piece of furniture. I just really want to be there for them. But I can’t.

I’m still grappling with the fact that they’re so far away now and we can only meet up as often as we’re able to travel to each other’s cities. And y’know, just as I hate not being there for their big moments, I also hate that they can’t be here to share mine. (Dia & Nessa, you girls had better stay local!)

The new semester begins tomorrow. It’s back to the routine of waking up before 6am & spending about 10 hours at work each day. Explain to me again why I’m not feeling excited?

I kinda feel like I’m cheating on Germany.

You see, I love planning for trips and doing all the research, and I can get all the admin stuff tied up without any whining. But it is completely different when it’s a matter of work and you have to be accountable to plenty of neurotic folks who insist you plan for the worst. Not that it’s bad or anything, but it’s unnerving and it makes me think of too many worst-case scenarios than I’m legally comfortable with. Scenarios so unlikely that I’m surprised they didn’t ask us to plan in the event of a plane crash. Or what if we encounter an accident on the Autobahn? Or get collective food poisoning? Now why aren’t we planning for those? Can you tell I’m irritated?

I hate having such feelings. I should be looking forward to learning and appreciating the history and culture of the place, but because everything leading up to the day of our departure has been such a chore, I’m not sure if I can give Germany its due. I know I’ll go back one day and really see it the way it intends for me to, but I’m upset that it will now be associated with all the crazy paperwork that my colleagues and I were made to do. And we all know that’s not a good first memory of a place.

So please forgive me, Germany. I promise I’ll do my best to not let my own “baggage” get in the way of our relationship.

Yeah, the finger can’t stop pointing.

This rant could go on forever, but it’s late and I really need to catch up on all the sleep that I was deprived of when I had that crazy intensive period. So I’m going to end this rather prematurely and end with this: I just wish I had more guts to express myself in such a manner to the bosses.

Funny though, because I did weep. You see, the stress of grading that many examination scripts was insurmountable and so, on the last day of this marking extravaganza (that is, today), I broke down and became this emotional pile of mess. I’d experienced a migraine, several headaches, felt bitchy about colleagues who had smaller marking loads, went many nights without sufficient sleep, had no appetite to eat and was basically at the point of exhaustion. I wanted to lay in bed more than anything and distance myself far, far away from everything work-related. But I had to finish grading the last lot of essays. So I begrudgingly worked my red pen through the answers and then right when Glee’s True Colours came on my iPod, the tears flowed.

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you fell so small

Ayyy… damn you, song! For making me cry! But there I was, at the lowest of low, feeling so mentally drained and emotionally charged. I really needed to scream. But Lean On Me comes on next, and reminded me of how I simply needed to continue leaning on God for the strength I needed to see through this last stretch. Of course, more tears were induced because I was that messed up at that point of time.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who was capable of handling stress pretty well. After all, my previous profession as an Events Organiser opened me to many high-pressured situations, and I’d never gotten emotional. Who knew marking exam scripts would break me down like that? I can only hope that next semester will be better, especially since there’ll be new teachers joining my department. We’re really short-handed as it is, and I honestly don’t know if I can handle such an insane marking load again in the final semester.

Now that it is all said and done, I could say I’ve emerged like a phoenix from the ashes, but I won’t cos that might be a little over-the-top? So excuse me while I go celebrate with some cake.

I’ve been trying my best to ignore the dismal reality of my team’s performance. I’ve continued to remain hopeful for good things to happen to the club, but somewhere in February or March of 2010, I just knew I had to get out of my state of denial. It’s not something I’m proud of, but at that point of time, I started growing nonchalant, and started setting low expectations. A draw would be enough, I’d tell myself, especially if they’re playing a “bigger” club. I’d only get myself up in arms if my boys came away defeated at a match that they should’ve otherwise easily won. After all, on paper, playing against one of the “smaller” clubs was supposed to be a walk in the park, not to sound complacent. But, on paper, there’s simply no reason for the team to perform so poorly.

Many have attributed this debacle to the sale of Alonso. As much as I love that man, and was admittedly very, very crushed to see him leave, I never believed his departure to be the cause of such a massive impact. After all, isn’t football a team sport? How is it possible for one absent player to cause so much damage? Instead, my finger was pointing at the manager and the club’s owners. I believed that it was a combination of a major lack of player development, team cohesion and financial support that was doing us in. And after reading this article that triggered this rant, I’m even more convinced now that Benitez has to go. Because quite frankly, I see him as one of the proverbial rotten apples who has contaminated the entire basket of apples.

I will not dismiss his successes with the club, and I’m grateful for the silverware he’s helped to bring home. But I do believe that Benitez is not a good fit. We must acknowledge his strengths and the fact that he has brought in a good number of valuable players, however I do not believe that his yin has necessarily meshed well with Liverpool’s yang. I also do not blame him entirely because he made it very open about the constraints he had in managing the club. As for Liverpool’s two public enemies, I think of it as two Americans who made an investment that didn’t pan out as ideally as they’d hope and unfortunately, we are now at the brunt of it. Thankfully, their departure is imminent. Although it will undoubtedly leave behind a big cloud of ash.

I’ll admit that Liverpool’s future does appear somewhat bleak and unless a superhero of a billionaire appears (such as Tony Stark, according to a friend), it may take more than a few years for the club to fully recover to its former glory. I also understand that I’ll continue to get frustrated with decisions/directions that I won’t ever comprehend, and I’m only putting myself through more disappointment and heartache. Nonetheless, I’m more than willing (especially now, more than ever) to stay true to my club’s motto and continue supporting them through this tumultuous ordeal. Yes, no matter how long it takes.

And yes, I’m passionate about Liverpool like that.

A. Give a sheepish smile
B. Just walk past the person without any acknowledgement
C. Raise an eyebrow/wink
D. Groan “I’m tired”
E. Say a quick “Hey” or “Hello”
F. Something else

I don’t know about you, but this moment never fails to seem awkward to me. See, if it was someone you’re real chummy with, you could always whine/gossip, but I really don’t know how to react to people whom I only speak to in passing. And if you pass by this same person more than once, are you just gonna keep saying “Hey”? Am I the only person who’s bugged by this?

Grandma, in her full gung-ho spirit took out the fly swatter, commanded me to take out that can of Raid and marched straight into my room. Of course, by now, the roach wasn’t there in the same spot, so grandma decided to spray Raid all along the side of the wall so she could lure it out. Two minutes later, this vile thing walked right into her trap and she did all she could to squash the roach with the swatter. Unfortunately, it was smart enough to perch itself onto uneven surfaces, so grandma wasn’t able to annihilate it immediately. This was a lucky break for the roach as it managed to limp its way into the tiny gap behind my table.

By now, our helper was already out of the shower and standing at my door, bemused by the commotion. She has always found it rather baffling that I have this fear of roaches and lizards, and constantly teases me about it whenever I engage her help in killing them. She then took over the deathly duties because grandma didn’t know how to get the roach out of the gap. We knew the roach had little chance of survival as it was already suffocating from all that Raid, but we wanted to make sure. Some “tools” were brought in, and after about 10 minutes of fussing over a tiny little pest, she finally managed to ensure its destruction by poking at it repeatedly with a little pole. Everyone then left my room feeling victorious, and left me feeling completely inadequate.

I’ll probably never get over my fear of cockroaches and lizards, haven’t been “attacked” by them when I was much younger. So, Dia & Nessa – I’m officially going to entrust these pest-killing duties to you girls if we really do end up living together. Cos now you know I’m just gonna run away and hide.

My lads have had a crappy start this season. It’s gotten me frustrated, annoyed, and almost resigned to the fact that we’d probably end up 3rd in the league, at the very best. I’ve even joked about swearing off football altogether and focusing on rugby instead. Alas, I know I won’t be able to tear myself away from Liverpool. It is my club. My one true love. No matter how badly they play, and no matter what position they end up in, I know my support for them will never cease. And that’s just what I love about sports. It gives you an indescribable sense of loyalty, one that comes from a pride that only sports fans can understand. And it’s all perfectly summed up in Liverpool’s awesome motto – You’ll Never Walk Alone.

So we have not won the title in many years. And we won’t win the title this season, or maybe even the next. But I know that we will, eventually. And when my captain lifts that silverware, that moment is going to be so freakin’ sweet.

First off, I don’t understand the need to have 2 pay TV providers. In a country where their combined market share isn’t even near 800,000 subscribers, was it really necessary to give us such options? I’m baffled. Perhaps I’m too ignorant to comprehend the economics of it all. The only thing that is clear to me right now is that many, many subscribers are going to have to work out the painful math of sustaining their interests, and still keep their budget for pay TV low.

Already, when StarHub revised their price plans earlier this year, my family and I spent hours contemplating all the options available to us. It was a complete hassle having to work something within our budget, and still be subscribed to enough packages that would please the different viewing tastes of the entire family. The process wasn’t pleasant (some sacrifices were made), but at least all our options were still restricted to that one company. Now that the entire sports platform has moved to a different company, not only do we have to contend with the fact that there will most likely be two pay TV services being run in the house, I foresee having to go through many hours of discussions, re-budgeting and what not all over again.

Why these two pay TV companies are offering completely different channels is beyond me. A quick look at FoxTel and Austar (since I’m most familiar with Australia’s pay TV) shows that both companies have common channels and offer similar packages. Some packages appear more competitive than the other, and I believe the technology is different(?) but otherwise, both offer enough options for any consumer to be happy. Our case? Because certain channels are exclusive to each company, many will pretty much end up subscribing to BOTH companies. So guess who has the last laugh? Yes, the state-owned company who is currently controlling both companies.

I would like to be able to declare my boycott of this new offering, and my being strong enough to forgo watching sports at home, instead heading down to a nearby cafe / coffee shop to get my regular dosage of EPL action. Alas, I know convenience will prevail and I’ll just cave and end up paying more for my TV. I think we all know who the real losers are.