I got embarrassed whenever my dad told everyone about how he thought I was very good with technology.
(I’m not good, but I’m in the know.)
I got embarrassed whenever my dad told everyone about how he thought I was a very good teacher.
(I’m not the best, but I was fairly dedicated.)
I got embarrassed whenever my dad told everyone about how he thought I did a very good job planning some event/designing an invite.
(It’s never mind-blowing, but I’m usually satisfied with the outcome.)
I got embarrassed whenever my dad told everyone about how I’m now continuing his legacy at this new job.
(I still don’t see how it’s a “legacy”, but I’m beginning to understand the pride he had, and still has.)
But today, I told myself not to be embarrassed anymore. All because one of my besties told me this over a Whatsapp chat:
“I love talking to your dad about you. He has this loving father feel and he is so proud of you he can’t even contain it. He worries about you but also trusts in your decisions and that God will always guide you and protect you. I feel sweet thinking about it!”
My father is so proud of me he can’t even contain it.
My eyes welling with tears, I immediately realised it’s time to stop feeling embarrassed and embrace the wonderful love I’ve been so incredibly blessed with. I can’t believe it took me 30 years to understand this.
Nonetheless.
Oh wow, it’s been a long time, hasn’t it?
You’d think I’ve been dead busy at my new job.
I’ve actually just been lazy cos now I have time.
Does that make sense?
Previously, blogging was a channel for release. With all that pent-up emotion left over from work, blogging was cathartic. Now that I no longer experience that same level of stress, I somehow don’t feel a need to constantly want to express myself.
And consequentially, because I feel less burdened by teenage angst, I have less motivation to write, and less opportunities for reflection.
I know this isn’t a mistake. Because this was the job I’d prayed for. I’d wanted a job that would give me more work-life balance, more time to serve in church, and to connect with family and friends. Then when I see how everything has fallen into place, everything immediately gets put into perspective.
It’s not gonna be an easy journey. Change never is. And even though I miss teaching and my colleagues, I have no regrets leaving. I understand now that I’m in a different place, and I have different priorities. God is equipping me with a new set of skills in this new phase of my life.
And I’m all in.
This new job is truly a gift from God.
When I submitted this new phase of my life into God’s hands, I knew it was going to turn out well. But I also had my insecurities. What if I made a mistake? What if I was actually listening to the voices in my own head instead of God’s gentle whisper? Then on the first day of work, I walked into the office and was immediately filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude. The Lord has led me into this, and once again, He has shown me that His ways are perfect.
And as thought that wasn’t enough, yesterday, a last-minute decision to catch a different bus to church led me straight into the biggest and most gorgeous rainbow I have ever seen. This was not a thin, tiny one in the distance. This one was totally in my face, staring straight at me just so it was clear. And in that moment, I knew He did this for me. He wanted me to see His glory shining brighter that I’d ever seen. I beamed and said a prayer of thanks.
I am grateful.
:)
